The Great Spaghetti Incident of 1994
by Viperhat
Summary: (Request from YeOldeQuill using her OC) Sirius Black always considered himself a fantastic cook, mistakes aside. And since Adelaide had been feeling down for the past few weeks what better way to cheer her up than to get her into the kitchen with him to partake in some fun family cooking? Suffice it to say, Adelaide is less than enthusiastic about the ordeal...


A challenge was issued by 'OWOWHATSTHAT'… I responded with this… with her Oc.

Warning: Me and romance mix like Water and Oil. ØŵØ

This is going to be a disaster.

||-0-0-||

(The Great Spaghetti Incident of 1994)

There was plenty of things Adelaide could picture herself doing right now at 7:00 in the morning. On one hand she could be in bed, dreaming up anything her mind could conjure up, only limited by her imagination. In one moment, she could be on holiday with her son, basking in the sunlight and letting the cool air sooth her skin. In another she could be causing a little trouble in Hogwarts with friends of a bygone era. Whilst never a natural prankster, there were moments when one or two of the students in her year would rile her up to the breaking point. The results were… mostly satisfying, for her anyway.

On the other hand though, she could be peacefully sitting in her living room, blissfully unaware of the world around her as she soaked in every words, every description and insinuation that – when done right – contributed to the steadily growing image in her head. Muggle books, Magical books, it really had no sway in her decision making, as long as she felt it was worth her time she'd be happy.

But then there was that one tiny, yet massive thorn in her side… Reality.

The thing was, staying in bed or reading her books was a desired situation. Something she wanted and would be happy to do right now…

Following an overly childish Sirius Black down the stairs and into the kitchen… which was AWAY from her living room was neither desired or needed.

"Oh, you're gonna love this!" The ex-convict chirped, almost feverishly dragging her along in her own house as if he owned it. Even with all the pulling and fruitless protesting, Adelaide could hear the excited chuckles he failed to hide in his clear enthusiasm.

Regardless, she still groaned as she tried to keep her balance. "Sirius, it's 7:00 in the morning, I'm sure your prank can wait."

"Whatever do you mean by 'prank'?" He questioned, slowing down and giving her a cheeky smile. "First off, I've gone cold turkey on such a concept, and secondly this is an effort on my part. An effort which is all for you."

The only response she could muster was a sceptical stare and a roll of her eyes when his dumb, smug features refused to falter. With a resigned sigh, she allowed Sirius to fervently pull her into the kitchen… A kitchen she was sure would not come out of whatever he had planned without being maimed in some brutal fashion.

But she would inevitably mourn later, right now, she had a relentlessly over-excited boyfriend to watch over...

After what felt like forever in her sleep-addled mind, she felt Sirius' grip finally release, freeing her hand from the (admittedly comfy) prison of his much larger one. The cold invaded her hand, making her regret her initial wishes for it to be released, she looked up, trying to take her mind off of said bitter sensations when she noticed Sirius going through the draws and doors, collecting a few pans and pots before piling them haphazardly on top of one another and roughly placing it onto her precious counter with a loud and foreboding clang.

Her heart sank into her stomach as she eyed the intimidating stack warily, watching as it slowly tilted from left to right as if a mere breeze was all it would take to tip it over. Something was off about all this, something that told her that this was simply wrong, as if her mind was telling her about a problem that she just couldn't see.

Then her brows creased when she realised why…

"Sirius..." She started, confusion laced on her tongue. "Not to be the critic, but why don't we simply use our magic for the cooking?"

Sirius was drawn away from the pile at Adelaide's sudden question, but instead of taking out his wand and swishing away at the armada of kitchen utensils, he smiled and tapped his finger against the side of his nose.

"Where's the fun in that, dear?" He turned back, letting a small chuckle exit through his lips when he heard that satisfying groan from his dearly beloved. "Cooking together is the best way to bond, James and Lily did it all the time… when James was allowed near the kitchen at least."

"Do you even know the first thing about muggle cooking? Or even how to cook at all?" She was suddenly right behind him, hand on his shoulder, gently turning him around once again to face her. Not that he minded, he could stare at her for hours and not get bored… Though he'd be branded as 'creepy' afterwards…

'_Stupid laws and society.'_ His inner voice bemoaned. Sirius found himself agreeing quite thoroughly.

"First off: No, I don't. That is what makes it fun." He winked, earning himself an unimpressed glare. "And secondly: … No to that, too. So hey, double the fun!"

He finally found the will to turn back towards his work, almost toppling the tower before him as he quickly started putting the pieces in the places he believed they should go. Adelaide watched in slight concern, wondering how her suffering kitchen would survive this endeavour. But when Sirius was this excited, there was nothing that could truly deter him. It was like trying to stop a Giant with a Lumos spell and a bucket of water…

In other words, impossible.

Suddenly, Sirius had rushed off, towards the front door. Though he came back quickly, holding two separate bags of…

"Pasta?" She looked back at the mess that he had made and wondered what he would do with pasta… He hadn't even filled one of the numerous pots up water water.

"Correct!" He almost applauded, but as soon as he let go of one of the bags, it dropped and hit the floor with a disturbing snap. Adelaide almost expected to see ketchup or something pool underneath the poor broken bag. Sirius was truly a monster.

Luckily, his redemption came quickly, realising his mistake, he quickly picked the bag up with a curse and dedicated his existence to placing the thing onto the counter, next to the stove. Adelaide could almost picture its recovery being swift and satisfying… if she at had any clue as to what her boyfriend would do to it next…

But where she considered herself to be a soft, caring mother figure. Sirius was obviously a wrecking-ball of culinary incompetence, his boundless creativity for punishing food was not fully understood even by her. There were times when Remus would tell her horror stories of the ex-convict in 'chef-mode'… Even today, she couldn't help but feel cautious about the idea of her boyfriend within 10 feet of a kitchen.

"Okay!… So, now what?" She was quickly snapped out of her revere by the lunatic himself. Her curious eyes widening as she watched him fill one of the pots up with water so hot Adelaide could swear it was sweating.

His face was alight with joy, or something like excitement. But mostly she was sure that he was determined. Whatever he was doing, he wanted her to help, and it _did_ seem fun…

As long as he kept that water away from him… how did it even warm up that fast?

"Wait, never mind that." Sirius roughly grabbed the wounded pasta bag with his paws. "I know now."

And suddenly, his hands had a firm grip around the bag, grunting slightly. A little perturbed, Adelaide cautiously slinked to his side to see the problem, cursing the long, curly hair for a second as it obscured the view. The rustling grew a little louder and more violent, obviously the pasta bag wasn't going down without a fight and it seemed to be getting to him.

Then she saw the problem… and simultaneously felt her body slump at the sorry sight before her.

"Siriu-"

A sudden, loud popping noise filled the kitchen, startling the two wizards into a frenzy. Adelaide jumped, so taken aback by the harsh, resounding bang she found herself staring at the ceiling within seconds, her hands desperately trying to catch onto something that could soften or – at at most – soften the descent. Though, that was probably how she ended up staring into the shocked eyes of her boyfriend. She could feel his erratic heartbeat against her chest and the slightly laboured breaths, likely from the fall.

It was only then Adelaide felt a slight pain in her chest, definitely from the sudden collision with a manlier chest than hers ever could be.

"Sirius… please get off me."

"… Darling..."

Her face creased as she tried to push him off of her person, an attempt as fruitless as teaching Malfoy to love.

"I'm serious..."

His mouth curved a tad. "No, I'm Sir-"

"If you finish that I'll hex your bits into oblivion." She warned, looking at him with consternation.

"Okay.. but Ad-"

"Please just get off me."

Then he started laughing…

On top of her…

'_This is so embarrassing...' _ She wondered what could be causing this reaction from him, thinking that the fall would have at least shut him up for a few more seconds.

"What's so funny?" She tried to bark, but it came out more like a wheeze. The ex-convict was nothing if not heavy.

"You're hair..." He giggled, clearly having some trouble breathing properly due to the sheer mirth he was engulfed in.

"What about my hair?" She quickly brushed a hand through the thick locks, listlessly searching for the culprit of her chagrin, only to pull her hand back when she felt her finger receive a violent poke. "Ow!" She glared up at his smirking face. "What is that!?"

"Adelaide," Sirius announced, straining as he lifted himself into a sitting position. "Two things: 1: don't look behind you. And 2: your hair is full of pasta."

Then he finally broke down laughing again, falling to the floor and cackling like he had shampooed Snape's hair.

And Adelaide took his advice and chose to keep facing forward.

'_Good thing he brought two bags.'_

||-0-0-||

Thirty minutes later saw rigid Sirius Black carefully sweeping the kitchen, freeing the floor from the starchy monster of his creation. His usually cheery face replaced with a tight expression as he scoured the floor from head to toe, scanning for any left over pasta. Though, everything was made a little lighter for him whenever he looked over at Adelaide, her eyes practically glued to a mirror as she closely inspected her mildly ruffled hair. In those moments, Sirius had no idea whether to laugh or sulk. He was responsible for her current state of annoyance and his own state of having to thanklessly work on _sweeping…_.

But Merlin, if it wasn't funny…

Luckily for him, however, the morning was still young and his chore was but a temporary setback in the grand scheme of his dastardly – and equally delicious – plans.

So, as soon as he as done, he quickly placed the broom on the side, leaning against the counter next to the entrance hall. As soon as he had finished, he bounded back over to the counter, gazing upon the final pasta bag with a warning stare, as if daring it to split on him likes buddy had not half an hour ago. His actions caught Adelaide's attention however, instantly causing the bag to be snatched away from his slowly enclosing hands and into the far more careful grip of his girlfriend.

She looked up at him with a hard stare, halting whatever he was thinking of doing within an instant.

"I'll do this part, Sirius." She commanded, Sirius never knew she could be so authoritative. "In fact, that was the last time you're ever opening a bag in this house again."

Despite the less than appreciative tone, he couldn't help but giggle a little bit. Confusing the woman until she realised he was staring at her head, her hair in particular.

And why was his hands reaching towards her?

Her heart sank. _'Oh no, please don't be wh-'_

"Uh oh, spaghetti-O!" He exclaimed, pulling back his hand, revealing a small, but obvious piece of pasta from the nest that had become of her hair. Cackling, he waggled it a little, pretending it was already wet and wiggly.

Heat rose up in Adelaide's cheeks, wanting more than ever to poke the man in the eye for this embarrassing situation… It was his fault, after all.

"Put the stupid thing down!" She demanded, her brain going into overdrive as she tried to regain what little dignity she could scrape off the proverbial floor. Swatting at his arm when he wiggled it near her, accidentally bopping her nose a few times. "Don't you have a disaster to concoct?"

"No disasters here, gorgeous." He winked, faltering a little at her deadpan stare in response. "Okay, maybe I hit a snag. But still, regardless and not worth mentioning… like, ever again."

"… Let's just get this cooking over with… Darling."

He grinned. "That's the spirit!"

||-0-0-||

Things… were actually looking up.

At least, for the moment…

Adelaide felt a little suspicious about the sudden progress they were both making and the slowly rising mood she was starting to feel the longer they spent creating this – admittedly lovely smelling – spaghetti.

Soon after she shooed Sirius away to make whatever he needed to make, she started to get what was being made in general. Spaghetti and meatballs, the most stereotypically romantic thing she could have ever thought of cooking on Valentines day of all things.

Understanding the goal made her job far easier, quickly, getting rid of most of the useless pots and pans that were cluttering up the counter and re-filling the cooling water with more hot water and quickly placing the pasta into its demise.

The rest of her job included merely keeping an eye on the pasta as it slowly cooked mixed with giving it a stir every few minutes. Soon enough, her random thoughts such as why they were making this at such an early time of the day and why she was even going along with this.

The fortunate side of this part of the job was that she got plenty of time to do whatever she thought required her time… In this rare opportunity for peace and quiet, she chose to utilise this time watching watching Sirius.

She told herself that it was about making sure that he didn't break something or flood the kitchen with spaghetti sauce – which was a valid concern in her opinion. – But the more she watched him work the more she realised that maybe her reasons weren't as logical as she wished them to be.

Admittedly, when he applied himself to this task, he made some pretty good progress, even going as far as too add onion and a little mushroom, all really well chopped. His movements became focussed and full of purpose and his concentration was almost always focussed on making the perfect sauce.

In short, he was showing off his more attractive traits…

Adelaide remembered the girls back at Hogwarts talking about how attractive boys who could cook were, she would know, she had to put up with two gossip mills with legs every night. She originally gave it no thought…

But now she was seeing it in action… and with Sirius of all people.

… Maybe those girls had a point.

Well, besides the occasional curse he would mutter, those moments made her laugh.

"How's the spaghetti?" Sirius called, forcing the woman to exit her mind and reply.

"What?" She asked dumbly… What had he said?

He turned around, wearing _her _apron as if it was never hers to begin with. "The Spaghetti, the foundation for everything that have been working on. How is it?" He grinned cheekily.

She merely huffed at his response. "It's fine, Mr. Ramsey."

He looked back, cocking his head in confusion. "Uh, whom, my dearest?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "Gordon Ramsey."

"And he is?"

"A foul-mouthed chef."

He almost looked offended at that.

"I haven't got a foul mouth!" He complained, making the woman smile deviously.

"I'd say kiss me, but I can smell your dog breath from here." She commented, giving a short waggle of the eyebrows before turning back to stir the pasta.

"Ha ha, very clever, darling. Very clever." His sarcasm clearly hadn't diminished during this task…

"I know you're smiling."

She heard a short and loud huff, comically exaggerated. "Care to prove that?"

"Okay." Luckily the pasta had been sufficiently stirred for another minute or so. Turning around, she was forced to stop a laugh from escaping when she saw Sirius pulling his cheeks down, only making the smile he had more exposed to her gaze.

"Very stoic, honey. Verrrry, stoic." She simpered, keeping her laughs at bay.

With a sigh, he gave up, letting his hand fall back to his side. "I'm going to make the sauce spicy now."

"Please don't." She turned back, making sure to stir the pasta one more time.

"Fine, you don't have any decent spices anyway."

She scoffed at such a bold assumption."I do, I just know to hide anything mildly dangerous away from your prying hands, _darling_."

She watched him turn back, confusion evident on his face. "Wait, when were spices considered dangerous?"

"Since you were born, Sirius…. Since you were born."

His face went slack, his mouth opening and closing periodically after realisation dawned on him. Adelaide could almost see the cogs turning tirelessly in his head as he desperately tried to come up with a half decent response, which was weird, he usually had a fairly chuckle-worthy comeback or bizarre witticism to fire back with.

Suddenly, the idea settle in that maybe, just maybe. She, Adelaide Pip, had flummoxed the infamous Sirius Orion Black.

A small grin settled upon her features…

"What's the matter, cat got your-"

"Aguamenti!"

Her reply was cut off and a sharp squeal replaced it as she quickly ducked to her knees as the arcing jet of water shot over her head and out of her field of vision. But the direction it was heading…

"SIRIUS!" She bellowed, turning around to see… lots of smoke, followed by a loud hiss which finally ended with the feeling of ice cold water enveloping her fingers on the floor.

'_What in Merlin's name?'_ She hesitantly looked up, ignoring Sirius for a moment.

Within an instant, her world went black… Visually at least.

She didn't take notice of the weird, sloppy texture on her shoulders, or neck, or head and even hair. Mostly due to the fact she couldn't _see…_

"Adelaide?" Sirius cautiously called out, his voice sounding a little muffled.

She gingerly brought her hands away from her now wet floor and to her head to see if she could find the damage, only stopping when her hands came into shocking contact with something metal.

'_Wait.. metal, weird texture, water. Hang on a minute!'_

"Sirius..." She smiled under the pot, sweetly lacing her tongue with such a fake calmness that even she was impressed with herself for a moment. Slowly lifting the pot off of her head, allowing her eyes to bask in the lovely sight of her slightly quivering boyfriend. His face sheepish and restrained.

She could see the battle taking place on his face as his cheeks fought off what must have been a smile. Only serving to anger her further.

'_The git's enjoying this!'_ She mentally hissed. _'Well, i'll make him regret that.'_

But it wasn't her sorry state that enraged her, nor was it the fact that the food she had spent the past Merlin knows how long cooking. It wasn't even the fact that she had used up that time of her day with nothing to show for it…

But it _was_ what Sirius said next.

"You look like a spaghetti monster from hell, darling." He giggled, slowly losing ground on his fight against laughing out loud.

"You think this is funny?" She whispered, mostly to herself, doubting that Sirius could even hear her over his own internal laughter. But she wanted him to hear her, for she had an evil idea springing up in her brain. "You think this is funny?"

To his credit, he did cease laughing, but even as the tinge of worry began to show up on his features, she could still see the remnants of his previous smirk.

"S-Sorry, love." He stuttered ever so slightly, clearly realising that she hadn't found the humour in what had happened. "Honestly, that wasn't meant to happen."

"But it did, and now I'm covered in spaghetti and starchy water..." She hissed, slowly and carefully bringing herself to her feet, hand hand fingering her wand with a spell on her mind.

"Well… I-i could get the bath running for you…?" Sirius seemed to finally realise the inevitable fate in store for him, slightly increasing his movements towards the door.

"Actually, I have a better idea." Adelaide suddenly flourished her wand at him. "Hold still,"

"Adelaid-"

"Aguamenti!"

"No!"

He did the exact same thing as she had done, only this time, he was taken by surprise to the point of falling on his rear with a thud. The ball of icy water missing him by miles, showing his old Auror training at its best.

That was the one thing Adelaide didn't count on…

And that was why she froze at the next thing that happened.

The Aguamenti spell was surprisingly very force heavy, especially given the amount of water the caster could eject. The hardest ever recorded usage of the spell involved a woman actually breaking one of the support beams in her mansion, almost sending the entire thing toppling down.

Luckily for Adelaide, she wasn't nearly as proficient in the spell as that particular person. But she clearly had enough.

She helplessly watched in slight horror as the pot full of Sirius' lovely pasta sauce steamed loudly as the heat was forced out of it. The force of her spell quickly sending the poor thing spinning in the air, its contents spiralling out like a saw-blade and painting the floor and walls… and Sirius in sauce.

The look of complete shock on her boyfriends sauce covered face told her all that she needed to know: He was not expecting that.

Well, neither was she…

Finally, the pot clanged loudly as it smashed against the floor, sending small flecks of sauce and even a bit of pasta into the air, unceremoniously rolling to a stop near the previously pasta-filled pot.

Silence engulfed the room. The spaghetti filled, pasta-pasted mess of a room. Adelaide, looking around, just processing everything that happened. Sirius, only starting to realise that he was covered in his own creation.

For Adelaide, the day had gone from less than average, to pretty damn good to a complete disaster within the span of an hour (give or take). Sirius' proposal for the valentines activity had ended in complete disaster. The worst part about it all was that she could have just said no to this entire charade, just wave off the romantic advance and just settle with the man in the living room, or she could have even decided to walk through the woods with him.

But no, here they were, kitchen ruined, covered in sauce and (in her case) pasta, looking like a rip off of some blood-curdling creature of the dark, a rip-off boogeyman.

"So..." Sirius' voice dragged her out of her mental bemoaning. Instead allowing her focussed ire to finally target him yet again. "I suppose we should clean and star-"

"Sirius." She stared at him, her expression flat as she brushed a bit of pasta off of her head, letting it slap into the saucy floor below. "If you even finish that sentence I'll hex you into next week."

"Fair enough." He held his hands up defensively. Letting them fall after a couple seconds, opting to look around, surveying the mess.

Adelaide slowly turned around, almost robotic in her movements as she slowly began to slink up towards the bathroom. Her mind trying to stray from the sad reality that the day would persistently remind her of. Her footsteps were heavy, thumping against each step, sending dull shockwaves up her legs that she barely felt, barely paid attention too.

She could just hear the dull, wet slaps of footsteps in the kitchen. Probably Sirius meandering in the sauce puddle like some child. Whatever he was doing had little to no interest to her.

Soon enough, she droned up to the top of her staircase, her eyes automatically locking on with her bathroom door before walking in and closing it.

The idea of a shower was appealing… But first, she had to see the damage for herself.

So, with an uncomfortable huge feeling of trepidation, she set her gaze upon the mirror, drinking in the horrible… irredeemable… Disastrous…

Suddenly, she felt a small giggle escape her mouth, small yet unstoppable and unrelenting chuckles erupting from her throat and out of her mouth before floating around the bathroom. It was so surprising to her, so surprising that she didn't even remember why she was upset to begin with.

She expected to see some macabre sight of a grotesque, slimey, starchy mess of skin, pasta and sadness. A wretched creature that bored into her being with such overwhelming sadness that it would make her feel like she was drowning on sorrow and spaghetti sauce. But instead, all she saw was a ridiculous looking, spaghetti-haired pastey mess of a woman nearly cackling away towards her reflection in a bathroom mirror.

Spaghetti clung to her hair as the dry pasta did, but it also slopped down and latched onto her face and past her jaw and the starchy water had turned into a sticky film that helped keep some of the smaller bits of pasta keep their place on her cheeks…

She looked like the most hilarious mess she had ever witnessed…

Quickly preparing for the earliest bath she'd be taking in probably forever, Adelaide, quickly removed the tainted clothes and almost instantly lowered herself into her clean safe-space. Sighing as the film from her face quickly melted away from the warm water of the bath.

Everything really didn't feel as bad as it had before. Sure, the floor was a mess, the kitchen was a mess, her clothes were a mess and Sirius certainly was a mess.

But, despite all that, she had enjoyed herself. The mess made could be cleared up, the problems would eventually go away with some hard work. And Sirius was already a mess to begin with, no amount of sauce and failure would change that anytime soon.

A small smile settled upon her now clean and tidy (if not soaking) face.

Sure, this incident will be something she happily holds over his head whenever she can tease him. But she could honestly say that, despite it all going wrong, this was certainly her favourite valentines day yet.

"Thank you, Sirius." She whispered, happily sinking just a little further into the bath.

||-0-0-||

An hour later, a sticky, tired and worried Sirius Black made his way up the stairs, the next thing on his mind being to clean himself up and grovel at his girlfriends feet until she accepted his heartfelt apologies. He didn't mean to cause that catastrophe in the kitchen, but when he saw the slowly growing flame behind her he just let his autopilot kick in.

But he quickly noticed that Adelaide wasn't in the bedroom, nor had she been in the living room when he glanced. But the closed bathroom door gave him all the information he needed.

He didn't want to intrude, so he decided to go back down to the kitchen to at least clean his face up. But before he could the door slowly opened, revealing a clean – and startlingly – smiling Adelaide.

"Oh, Sirius!" She squeaked, pulling the towel closer to her body, making him smirk. "Sorry, I forgot you needed cleaning too."

"Nevermind me, I should be begging for your apologies right no-"

"Oh no you don't!" She cut him off, only now noticing that he wasn't being hit over the head with a secret tea towel or flannel.

"But, I just destroyed- the kitchen is a wreck." He stuttered, causing the woman to sigh a little.

"I am more than aware of the end result of our one – and only – cooking experiment, honey." She smiled again. "But, I did have lots of fun today. And even though you can't cook to save your life and I can't fire a spell accurately enough to avoid collateral damage, this has been the most enjoyable Valentines day I have ever had the pleasure of having."

That… honesty rendered him speechless…

What was he meant to say in return to that?

He heard her laugh a little – probably due to his lack of response – before sliding past him and back down to the stairway.

"Damn..." Sirius breathed, unable to really find his voice properly. "If- If that's the result from wrecking her kitchen, maybe next time I should smash the living room up."

He let himself have a little chuckle at that.

'_Nah.' _He thought, choosing to race into the bathroom. _'Then she WOULD kill me. Haha.'_

||-0-0-||

Okay, we be done. It is a little late for Valentines, but it is better late and properly done instead of rushed and half-assed. Enjoy and please, stay away from Vegemite.

-Viperhat


End file.
